Gank or be ganked

For all my fans that play THAT game.
For the rest of you... well its time you started.

What the fuck was I thinking?

I really don't know. It just came to me. I wounder does any one read this anymore?

Scary Space Travelers

This is to say thank you to Lisa Marie Nowak. You made a very depressed ork laugh out loud.
If you have no idea what i am talking about read this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_Nowak

Big Fucking Spiders

Hi there girls and boys! Yes its an update! Who would have thunk it? A POST! After all this time and here I am making a post, but wait there is more! I have a toon to boot. Wow it must be your lucky day it’s a double whammy happy blog experience. (That word experience! What synonyms can one use instead of EXPERIENCE? Come on peeps help me out here and leave some of your ideas in a comment.)

Well here I am. As most have you know, I have relocated to the sunny back water of Plettenberg Bay. If you don’t know where it is well… look it up you lazy reprobate! You are on the god damned internet! Yes I have made my way to the capital of friendliness the nirvana of welcome the one the only Plett! The land of the ‘Matric Rave’. Yes this is the place where the South African version of Spring Break is held every year.

No really come on guys, where are all the drunk teenaged girls? Where the hell are all the friendly people? Well I am yet to find a friendly local. I am yet to have the ‘moves’ put on me by some sobriety challenged young bikini wearing babe. Ah I suppose thats the price one must pay for being a middle aged long haired hippy with an expanding middle.

Oh hell middle aged! 31 next month. Sigh! Is that middle aged? If one of you decides to call me old I’ll… well it will be dire!
Anyway my visit to Cape Town was wholly successful! Much much friendlier than I remember it from when I left. What the hell! Did you guys miss me or something? Or did the local authorities hand out friendly pills? If so could you guys please send some down here? Some of these fuckers are in real need of a sense of humor upgrade.

Ok so here is the whole point to this rather pointless post is to tell you about this HUGE spider I found! Ok so it was like this gargantuan menace that decided that my maid was on the menu. I am not kidding when I say that insects here are huge! Which means that their predators are even huge…er? Its like the Lost World man. I am expecting a dinosaur to be chased across my lawn by pigmy gorilla men at any moment now. Anyway I digress (I like that word ‘digress’. Don’t you? Its very visceral sounding.)

My poor maid was been dragged out the door by this enormous hairy freak with way too many legs. Big hairy legs I tell you, horrible! And the spider had even hairier ones. Eww! Well I could not let her be taken to certain death; I mean the house was not even clean yet. So I grabbed the heaviest pan/pot thing I could find in the cupboard and a pickle jar. Well I will spare the details of blood curdling screams and the icky mess that resulted (I was scared ok. Who would blame me?) I eventually managed to get the behemoth into the jar. I tell you if I had not taken the pickles out first I would never have got him in there. Ok so now subdued and contained I did what any sane acrophobic ex-biologist would do. I kept him on my desk for three days. I called him Fred. He was my mascot while I massacred the evil denizens of Azeroth (yes yes WoW reference.) He did growl rather menacingly when I started killing the spiders in Stone Talon Mountains, so I stopped that. I let him go eventually as I did get rather attached to him and he would not eat the moths and bugs I so lovingly caught for him. Last I saw of him he was slinking into the brush way way way down the other end of the garden dragging a struggling Alsatian with him. Sigh! Ok the point! While sitting in that jar he inspired me to draw a cartoon. Well here it is but for the life of me can I come up with a suitable caption. As it is not quite finished yet I decide to have a bit of a competition. Ye just like Schpat I will resort to devious tactics to get you guys to read this stuff. Its simple, give me a suitable quote/caption in a comment and I will put that on the final product. I do apologize for the rather sloppy drawing technique but I am way out of practice. Please may my critics show some restraint and make some friendly and positive comments.

Ok Boys and Girls sleep tight don’t let the hairy things with too many legs invade your dreams.

O_K

Oh fuck!

Ok so here I am cuzin' some blogs and I discover that old plosy over there is going to die in his sleep. Well at least that's what they are saying @ How Will You Die?? . Well So I take the test and low and behold my head shrinker is fucking wrong. Here be my test score:

You scored as Suicide.
Your death will be suicide. What more can I say? Fact: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you want to know hwo you will commit suicide, take a look at your second highest percentage on the bar graphs.

Suicide 93%
Gunshot 87%
Stabbed 80%
Posion 73%
Bomb 60%
Disease 53%
Eaten 47%
Cut Throat 40%
Disappear 40%
Drowning 33%
Suffocated 20%
Accident 13%
Natural Causes 7%

Ok so now I am a little peeved! 2 hundred bucks a session once to twice a week for like months only to be told:

You are ok and sane and you aint gonna kill yourself! You are a happy sunbeam, of radiant happiness and warmth.

Well it looks my shrinker spent all that time studying to help loonies for no good reason!
I am gonna shoot myself inna head with a gun! But I don't have a gun. I got a marker! That's it I am going to shoot myself inna head with a paint ball gun until the concussion gets me. Perhaps I should save myself the pain and suffering and kill myself with alcohol. If you try this a home children, I might suggest pouring it on yourself and lighting it, because drinking the stuff takes too bloody long.

Ok boys and girls perhaps I will see you again perhaps I won't.
O_K

PS. sigh!

Unlucky Crusty Till Wenches

Since I found myself single and out of the safety of no 62. I have discovered that fast food is more than just a phenomenon it’s a way of life. I would like to think that as a rather experienced fast food eater, I would have seen all there is to see when it come to junk food joints. Well I think I have, it is just the intensity the experience on Sunday that really did not sit well with me. Well that could just be the indigestion actually.

KFC in Rosemead Avenue, Kenilworth. Do go there if you value your intestines and sanity about as much as a kick in the balls. The ladies at the till were fashionably kitted out like they had spent the morning deep frying their clothes after coating them in chicken batter. I shit you the fuck not! but the entire staff were so filthy that some of their clothes were as stiff as fucking boards. So tell me Colonel: Aprons have you heard of these wonderful devices or is it that cleanliness only destroys the source of the secret herbs and spices? I also did notice the compulsory hairnet sitting high upon the greasy ‘do’ of a few of the cooking staff. Very jaunty angles were achieved without covering the hair and depriving the happy customer of those secret herbs.

Man to think that all along I have been deluded to the dangers of fast food. I was expecting to die from the heart attack brought on by the obesity I managed to maintain eating this filth. It appears that some establishments have taken the initiative to prevent me for killing myself with fat and salt and are trying to murder me off with dysentery or something first.

Chicken did taste good though. Chips were a bit off but that’s because I let them get cold.

Cartoon is on the way or at least the first lady character. Soooooon….. sooon my pets! There will be boobies soon!

Ok girls and boys have the fun
O_K

oh yes some one at a certain software company has seen fit to invite me along to a company paintball game. Heh! this is going to be fun.... unless one is like rambo or something. (hundgets my bru!)

Radio Check

"Rest of the World this is Oscar Kilo, Radio Check"
Anyone out there? Wow it has been a long time. and a lot has happened in the last few months. Many things that should have happened did not. I aint gonna go into it here. (this aint that type of blog)

Good news is that I have learnt to draw boobies. So i am hoping to get aounther toon out soon.

Anyway if you still out there leave me comment.

Ok boys and girls see you peeps soon.